"I grew up right here. The girl behind the counter at the cafe is my niece." says Joe. Walking along Aisli urges Joe to go on with her ahas. "Both my parents grew up here. You know, I'm a townie. My story really isn't that interesting."
"You are wrong," Aisli interrupts,"every one's story is interesting. There is beauty and color in every human beings story and we have forgotten how to tell it."
"Well, why don't you tell me yours?" Joe asks.
I keep getting myself into these dilemmas, because I believe what I said about everyone else's story but my own. It is lacking because I have reduced human relations to a very low role in my story. My solitude, my gadgets, the way I keep to myself. The story is full of.
Interrupting her train of thought Joe asks, "Did you hear what I asked?"
"Yes. I am just not ready." Aisli spoken truthfully.
"You really are interested?" Joe hesitates about continuing.
Aisli wants to be and does really like his voice. "Please," she says simply.
"I have 4 brothers and 5 sisters. Amazingly, most of us get along. After my parents died, there was some falling out. My oldest brother handled it well. We do our best to get along, love each other and be there for each other." Joe glances over at Aisli to see if he should go on. "Most of them are married, some divorced, I have a boat load of nieces and nephews."
"What about you?"
"Well, I was trying to tell you my story is not that interesting." Joe protests.
"Were you ever married?" Aisli is not sure if she should have asked that.
"Yes," and Joe pauses wondering if he should say anything more and adds, "for a short time."
Aisli catches the sadness in his voice and isn't sure what to say so she says nothing. The two co-workers walk quietly for a minute and just before reaching the docks Joe says, "My wife died when we had been married for 6 months."
I don't know what to say. {She has never let anyone close enough to her for her to feel the pain of loss and consequently she does not know the joy of being known and knowing another.}
When they arrive at the docks Aisli hangs back and sips on her coffee and the aroma reminds her, the world is colorless today. She looks at her boss who's white beard is looking dark and his sparkling blue eyes are sparkling gray. He gives us our orders and as Aisli heads to get to work, Joe pipes up and says,"Thanks for listening."
Everything inside me wants to just keep walking and pretend that I didn't hear him, but everyone heard him. That's the problem, so I just kind of grunt, "Don't mention it," which is exactly what I wish he had done.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath of the ocean air and picture all the colors that I usually see at this hour. The sun is bright and feels warm upon my face.

Waiting to be taken care of I make sure I am at least 3 steps behind Joe, I don't want it to appear as if we are together. Joe orders his coffee and then turns to me, I give him the "finish your business and don't order for me look."
Walking by he says with joy, "see you outside." I grin on the outside but crinch on the inside. Why did I do this to myself? I wake up, the world is gray and then I actually speak to Joe who was looking for me, then I say, "want to grab some coffee?" Am I out of my mind?
In the meantime, the server is attempting to get my order. For the third time she says, "Do you know what you would like?"
"Yes, I am sorry. Small coffee black, to go."
Joe is still smiling and I do my best to hide mine, how is it that Joe is actually interested in me. Since I suggested coffee I almost forgot about the loss of color. My computer is ROY, my ipod is G and my cell phone is BIV. Of course the cell is just for an emergency. There is something about color and beauty in this world that enables me to stay afloat. Life as a loner is not always easy. People want to engage with other people. It is a lot of work to stay disengaged.
Interrupting her thoughts Joe asks, "So where did you grow up?"
"Manchester, England" I replied.
"What was it like?"
I really don't want to talk about this and why are we having the I want to know all about you conversation. Let me think, I got it. "I would rather hear about you and where you grew up and what it was like." Liar! I don't care and I don't want to care or do I? This feels like it is so outside my control. And maybe that is the point. Taking in a deep breath practically tasting the salt air, I decide to really listen to Joe and I like the sound of his voice.

There is not a shade of color and Joe just said the sunrise took his breath away. It is me. And I don't participate in conversations except for the ones I have with myself in my head and when I talk back to the TV or computer. Although talking to an inanimate object probably does not count. It has been almost too long since I had a real conversation with anyone. However, Joe has been making in roads to my heart which is pounding and my head says RUN. My cheeks are flushed and I imagine with a dark shade of pink. I make myself sit down and I close my eyes feeling his eyes upon me. He is waiting for me to say something. Maybe I should ask about his dream. No that would make both of us too vulnerable.
"Joe, would you like to grab a cup of coffee?"
"I would like that." Looking at his watch he continues, "we even have time to sit down and talk."
Walking across the street to the cafe, I am wondering what in the world am I thinking. I don't sit in the cafe! I don't hang out with people! If I don't run now, this could lead to having lunch or something. Wait, I was the one who asked to go get coffee. Breathe Aisli, I remind myself. OK, just tell him you want to get it to go. "Do you mind if we just get the coffee to go?"
"Not at all. I would rather be outside anyway. We can bring it back to the dock and chat on the way."
Oh man. Maybe I can just do my best to listen and let Joe do all the 'chatting.'