Waiting to be taken care of I make sure I am at least 3 steps behind Joe, I don't want it to appear as if we are together. Joe orders his coffee and then turns to me, I give him the "finish your business and don't order for me look."
Walking by he says with joy, "see you outside." I grin on the outside but crinch on the inside. Why did I do this to myself? I wake up, the world is gray and then I actually speak to Joe who was looking for me, then I say, "want to grab some coffee?" Am I out of my mind?
In the meantime, the server is attempting to get my order. For the third time she says, "Do you know what you would like?"
"Yes, I am sorry. Small coffee black, to go."
Joe is still smiling and I do my best to hide mine, how is it that Joe is actually interested in me. Since I suggested coffee I almost forgot about the loss of color. My computer is ROY, my ipod is G and my cell phone is BIV. Of course the cell is just for an emergency. There is something about color and beauty in this world that enables me to stay afloat. Life as a loner is not always easy. People want to engage with other people. It is a lot of work to stay disengaged.
Interrupting her thoughts Joe asks, "So where did you grow up?"
"Manchester, England" I replied.
"What was it like?"
I really don't want to talk about this and why are we having the I want to know all about you conversation. Let me think, I got it. "I would rather hear about you and where you grew up and what it was like." Liar! I don't care and I don't want to care or do I? This feels like it is so outside my control. And maybe that is the point. Taking in a deep breath practically tasting the salt air, I decide to really listen to Joe and I like the sound of his voice.