I love working on the docks and working with the guys and being treated as one of them. The last thing I wanted or expected was for Joe to take notice of me as a woman. The work is physical but very straight forward, not gray, pretty black and white. I have never run into a problem with doing my share and the job has been mine for the last 10 years.
It has been 11 years since I had a conversation anything even remotely like the one I had with Joe two hours ago. The memory returns. I haven't thought about that person in a number of years and the conversation, the last time I allowed myself to really think about it, it hurt, a lot. Nevertheless, I allow it to come back to me. It is not so much the words but the pain of letting someone get close to me, allowing them into my heart, just to get my heart broken. The friendship hadn't been very old, when we parted ways forever.
I really didn't know and still don't know how to invest in people and develop something that will last. Even family relationships get broken and severed. How many people remain faithful and true to one another? I don't know because I just stay out of the way and do my best to keep to myself. However, I am afraid that I have opened the door this morning.
There really is no time to think about this right now. It will have to wait until lunch. I will get a quick bite and then go for a walk and see if there is anyway, I can just get over it and not talk to Joe. It will be the best thing to do to not disrupt a colorless, yet quiet life.